The Blackheart

He kept his bowed head covered, avoiding the cacophony of humanity all about him. Luckily for them none crossed his path as he marched towards the confessional. Being empty the booths sensors automatically retracted the door for him as he approached, once inside the door slid back into place now locked for his privacy until he manually opened it from within. The light inside was artificial but the level was low a subdued dark place for the telling of secrets. He pulled back the cowl of his robe, letting his head rest back against the metal wall behind him. He closed his eyes, breathed deeply, unclenched his fists trying but failing to let go.

“How can I help you my Child” The voice floated in the darkness, deep, aged, experienced. He nearly ran from that voice, the insignificance of his personal problem shaming him to silence. Then his anger flared, his fury at the injustice imposed upon him kept him in his seat and made him open his mouth.

“I have loved and lost, I have loved and am lost.” His  throat felt raw, used up, just saying the words a fresh anguish.

“I am listening my son” The deep voice responded and so with every word flaring pain through his soul he began to tell his story.

His name was Valentino Astrum, he was a capsuleer but only for the past two years. Before that he had been, it was strange to have to label it, now he was immortal was he still human? Either way he had definitely been human before, he had also been complete. Her name was Jade and from the moment they first saw each other they had filled each others lives with a light that made the stars look tarnished. They had discovered each other, grown content and happy, she had made him better. The only problem was time, they had met close to the end of the prime of their lives the youthful carefree enthusiasm of their love had an inevitable shelf life and it was far too close for either of them. They felt cheated, why could they have not met sooner, had longer. Driven by the need for more he had found a way, they would have eternity to be together once they were immortal.

He couldn’t remember how they had decided who would go first, it was painfully clear that they simply did not have the resources for them both to become capsuleers at the same time. He went first, devoting every moment to raising the isk required for her to join him. Amazing things had happened to him, his clone body was at it’s physical prime, his mind and abilities expanding at an incredible rate with the ability to inject new skills as he needed them, but he didn’t care. His quest to earn the required capital forced him further away from Jade for longer periods of time, mining, missioning, bounty contracts, a rotation in the Amarr Navy defending contested systems for money against the other factions of New Eden. It mattered not to him where or how he got the isk, all that ultimately mattered was  that he got it.

Before he became a capsuleer they had never been apart, yes they both worked but at some point in every day they had been together. As often as he could Valentino raced home to be with her. His soul burned with being apart and he struggled with the separation. Things were different, she seemed slower, more ordinary, he seemed colder, less human. It had taken her an infuriating amount of time to get past the physical changes, she swore his clone body was different even though he was certain it was simply a ‘perfect’ copy of his original form. She hated the input jacks, could not bring herself to touch him near them for the longest time let alone look at them. Perhaps the worst thing was she didn’t seem at all enthused by the prospect that she would soon be joining him, even though he told her they had never truly been apart, soon they would be together forever.

Then the day came, the greatest day of his life, it had taken him nigh on a year to raise the funds but he had them. He had not seen Jade in almost two months, so consumed by his zeal to finish the task and collect the isk. He rushed home to her and his world crumbled to dust at his feet. She had changed her mind, she had been looking at problems and side effects of the procedure, she didn’t want to die young. He called her a coward, unwilling to risk something so small and insignificant for a chance at eternity. He screamed at her for conning him, this had been their plan not just his, she had let him take the risk but now would not join him? She told him she was scared of him, he had changed, become a cold hearted, calculated, driven machine, she felt she had lost the man she loved. He reasoned, pleaded, they had everything before, they could have everything again, surely she could see that their bodies were nothing more than vessels to hold their personality, love and memories, replace them with clone bodies and they could love each other infinitely. He would never know if she simply agreed with him or she changed her mind because she felt guilty for making him go first, maybe despite her words she still loved him enough. Regardless of the reason, come morning she had agreed to go through with the procedure.

Maybe in his desire not to be different from her he had rushed her through the process, maybe she had not conquered her fear and reluctance but only hidden it away for his sake for it to doom her mind. Whatever the reason she never came out of the procedure. The medical staff told him the neural jacks had been fitted flawlessly but on testing the viability of the connections before releasing her from care she had become mind locked, trapped inside her own body, locked away from him forever.

At first he had raged  and cursed before his anger cooled, he then searched for institutions or procedures to free his love and return her to him from within her own body. Every attempt was fruitless, every isk he spent chasing his hopes wasted, he returned after every failed venture to cry endlessly at the foot of her bed her cold hand pressed between his own. Her body began to deteriorate, the unused muscles would atrophy and her prison would waste away with her locked inside it. He could have maintained her forever, they could have taken a mind print of her mind locked state and transported it into a fresh clone body as her original body died but he didn’t. The loss of her from his life had turned him bitter, cruel and dark but he was none of those things to her. He railed against the impossibility of his choice, if there was any part of her left inside her body then there was a chance one day he could save her, yet if there was any part of her left how could he torture her for eternity by keeping her ‘alive’ in her own internal prison.

Valentino drew a ragged breath, his head was lolled forward his hands clasped at the back of his head, he felt a twitch in his fingers an urge to claw the neural jack from the back of his skull. He licked his lips, ignoring the tears that fell between his knees to the metal floor below. Throughout the retelling of his tale the voice had not interrupted him and it still waited for him to finish.

“She died this morning, now I am alone for eternity in a universe without light. My heart is cold, black and lifeless.” He brought his hands off his head and punched the adjoining wall with his fist preferring to feel physical pain to contrast with the emotional torrent raging inside him. The voice was silent for what seemed like an age before in a level tone he began.

“Only through many hardships is a man stripped to his very foundations and in such a state devoid of distraction is his soul free to soar and in this he is closest to God.” A seconds pause before he added “There will be obstacles and difficulties. That’s his test. We must make his gift deserving.”

Valentino rolled his head back and laughed, his mind snapping to the sound. In coming here why had he expected anything other than the pointless rhetoric of scripture. He rose, drew the firearm from his side and left the booth. He indiscriminately executed the first person he saw, then the next and the next. He had loved, he had lost he had eternity alone, the universe would burn as he suffered.